


drunk, sentimental, and ready to confess

by spacegirl



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Christmas Party, Crushes, Drunken Confessions, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romantic Fluff, everyone's drunk but they've been pining for ages so it's all cool and consensual i promise you, yes i'm writing a christmas fic in june please don't judge me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 02:56:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19242415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegirl/pseuds/spacegirl
Summary: They’ve really built a great friendship since Brian started just over a year ago, and the only thing Brian thinks could ruin it is the fact that he’s been secretly pining over Pat for about ten months now. And although Brian’s great at dealing with crushes, he doesn’t know how Pat would feel about the whole thing. Straight dudes don’t always take it as a compliment when they find out another dude is into them.It doesn’t help that Brian’s been known for getting drunk and confessing his true feelings for people with a ridiculously sappy monologue.





	drunk, sentimental, and ready to confess

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to fishcola for reading through and giving wonderful feedback <3 It means the world.
> 
> This is just something fluffy and fun and christmassy even though it's June.
> 
> (((because a few people from work that i've confessed all my hopeless romantic feelings for at office christmas parties have left this year, and now we're halfway through the year i'm like... shit... what will this years christmas party even look like?)))

Brian’s glad his roommates are used to him talking to himself, so when he spends the day of his work’s Christmas party muttering under his breath as he gets ready, they don’t ask any questions, or look at him like he’s crazy. 

He just gets a bit anxious before big social events sometimes, he’s not feeling as bad now as he was when he first started getting ready. He knows he’ll be able to avoid getting so trashed that he makes a complete idiot of himself – he hasn’t been blackout drunk in ages, and he thinks he’d just get sleepy before he reached a state where he could really do some damage to his career.

It’s the fact that it’s the whole of Vox Media’s Christmas party spinning him out, it’s not just their little Polygon group, it’s everyone from the New York office. It’s a whole fancy thing, there’ll probably be a corporate thank you and some executives giving a speech no one cares about to start, before they serve food and then let the night descend into drunken chaos.

He doesn’t even think he’s met half of the people that will be there which doesn’t help his anxiety, plus it’s an open bar, which always feels like a recipe for disaster. Large groups of people are stressful, most of them being strangers makes it even worse. When it’s a smaller group of people you know there’s less variables, less chance of things going horribly wrong.

Brian’s mind has been in overdrive since he painted his nails and started getting ready, frantically trying to predict everything and anything he thinks could happen tonight.

Now he’s finally happy with his outfit and has moved onto trying to get his hair to do what he wants, he’s run enough scenarios that he’s realised he’s not worried about making a fool of himself in front of managers, or strangers, or really making a fool of himself at all.

Now he’s spent the better part of two hours working through the weird bubble of nerves in his chest, he’s one hundred percent confident the only thing he could really mess up tonight is his friendship with Pat.

Pat is brilliant, he’s the perfect office friend. He helps Brian with deadlines, drags him out for lunch when he can see Brian’s silently losing his shit behind his monitor, goes along with Brian’s ridiculous ideas for videos and live streams. Honestly, he’s the perfect friend, never mind just office friend. And now they hang out outside of work often enough that Brian doesn’t feel like Pat is just being nice to him because he’s the new kid in the office.

They’ve really built a great friendship since Brian started just over a year ago, and the only thing Brian thinks could ruin it is the fact that he’s been secretly pining over Pat for about ten months now.

And although Brian’s great at dealing with crushes – that’s been his whole life story, liking people who don’t like you back and not letting it eat you alive – he doesn’t know how Pat would feel about the whole thing. Straight dudes don’t always take it as a compliment when they find out another dude is into them.

It doesn’t help that Brian’s been known for getting drunk and confessing his true feelings for people with a ridiculously sappy monologue – and sure, he can bounce back from being rejected without flinching, but sometimes it’s just the bullet that murders a friendship. Some people just find it too weird to carry on being friends with a dude who’s madly in love with them, or at least, has an all consuming crush on them for the moment.

Brian gets it, his declarations of love can seem a bit intense.

He’s not even that intense really, it’s not like he’s obsessive when he’s in a relationship, he just gets swept away in the moment, excited to tell someone how much all their little quirks mean to him.

Maybe it’s more overwhelming for people than he realises, he’s never had someone confess having all these big romantic feelings for him. Brian’s not sure if he can even think of a time he hooked up with someone because they made the first move.

Brian’s fussing with his hair in the mirror as he mutters, “You’re not going to flirt with Pat Gill. You’re just not gonna do it – at all. You’re not gonna flirt and nothing will happen because why would anything ever happen between you and Pat anyway?” 

He fixes the collar of his shirt and points at his reflection. “You. Are not going to flirt. With Pat Gill. You’re not gonna confess all your feelings. You’re not going to flirt with Pat Gill.”

Laura laughs from where she’s sat on the bed behind him, looking up from the bag of nail polish bottles she’s been rummaging through. “You’re really giving yourself a stern talking to about this huh?”

“I have to, you know me when I’m drunk.” Brian looks back at her in the mirror. “I told you I don’t have your favourite blue, you probably left it at home when we went back for Thanksgiving.”

“I’m almost 100% sure you borrowed it last. Anyway, don’t change the subject.” Brian moves over to sit on the bed next to her. “I feel like you’re speaking it into existence more than preventing it – all your brain is actually doing right now is building a direct association between Pat and flirting. The minute you’re in front of him you’ll be flirting, I’d bet on it.”

“Well yeah, but isn’t that like our whole dynamic anyway? I get flirty and pine hopelessly and he’s just perfectly stoically untouchable?”

Laura drops the nail polish bottle she’s holding back into the bag and fixes Brian with a look that means she’s sick of him complaining and ignoring her advice.

Brian’s seen that look hundreds of times.

“What should I mutter to myself instead then?  _ I will be self-restrained _ ?” Brian waves his hands around slightly like he’s trying to push that idea away. “It’s a work Christmas party, it’s like being transported to another realm where self-restraint doesn’t exist.”

“I mean, you don’t have much self-restraint at the best of times anyway.” Laura laughs and Brian flops back on the bed, covering his face with his hands.

“I know, that’s why I spent the better part of the year doing ridiculous overly touchy live streams with a straight dude I am falling hopelessly in love with, and building my own personal hell.” Brian punctuates the sentence with a groan. “Why am I like this?”

“You’re not like anything Bri, you’ve just got a work crush. It happens.”

Brian groans again. “I’m terrible, why didn’t I create distance between me and Pat when I started feeling all the feelings for him?”

“You just  _ love _ love. You’re a crush addict. You’re not fully yourself if you aren’t harbouring a soul-destroying crush on someone, remember with Jonah? That all worked out fine even after you told him you thought he was the only man you could ever love.”

Brian laughs, at least that never blew up in his face.

Jonah hadn’t even got weird when Brian confessed his feelings for him.

They’d only been living together for a few months when Brian had stumbled through the door, absolutely trashed on tequila, into Jonah’s bedroom to wake him up (although he was still awake) and tell Jonah that his heart was going to burst if he didn’t know how much Brian loved him.

Jonah had just laughed it off, said he’d help Brian to bed and bring him the bucket in case he felt sick. But Brian refused to go to bed, just made Jonah sit and listen to the extensive list of things he loved about him.

It was a long list, Jonah fell asleep at some point and Brian had passed out on the bed next to him, Jonah didn’t flinch or freak out when he woke up with Brian curled into his chest the next morning. Just asked Brian what he wanted for breakfast since he was probably still half drunk and couldn’t be trusted to make it himself, and afterwards gently told Brian that he was flattered, really, but he wasn’t into dudes.

“That’s different, Jonah’s Jonah.” Brian props himself up on an elbow and yells. “Jonah, get in here.”

Jonah pokes his head around Brian’s door a second later. “What’s up?”

“If I’d burst into your room wasted after we’d lived together for four months, looking for a fight instead of coming to confess my love, do you think you’d still be living with us now?”

Jonah pauses, tips his head to the side. “In the hypothetical fight did you manage to get a punch in?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm. Probably.”

“See!” Brian flings his arm out towards Jonah and throws himself back against the mattress. “He’s just impossible to get rid of, you smoke weed with him once and he puts you on his best friends forever list. Pat’s the opposite of Jonah, Pat is like… impossible to even break through to friendship to begin with, and I’m probably already on the edge of  _ too intense to handle, _ so you can imagine what one of my stupid drunken confessions would do.”

“Oh, is this the official  _ Pre-Party Pat Crisis _ ?” Jonah laughs, coming to sit on the other side of Brian. He pats Brian’s thigh. “I’m still refusing to discount the theory that Pat’s into you too. I watched those streams man.”

“False hope has never been Brian’s friend.” Laura laughs.

“Why would you even say that? It’s like you  _ want _ me to rip my heart out of my chest so people can laugh at it.” Brian looks up at Jonah with a horrified expression.

Jonah raises his hands in mock surrender. “Woah, okay, Gilbert melodrama is amped up to ten tonight, good to know.” He sighs and grabs at Brian’s hand to check out his nails, they’re freshly painted silver. “This is a nice colour. Okay, Pre-Party Pat Crisis advice? Just don’t let it be you two hanging out all night. Make it a real group thing. You never play the  _ big confession _ card when you’re in a big group.”

“Solid advice from Jonah.” Laura shouts a bit like a sports announcer, and high fives him over Brian who’s peeking out from behind his hands.

Brian bites his lip. “Yeah? I mean, you’re probably right.” He looks between them, some nerves starting to dissolve.

“Totally.” Laura grabs one of his hands as she stands and walks to the mirror, dragging Brian behind her. She stops and drops his hand, looking between Brian and his reflection. “Look at you dude, so ready to party with  _ all  _ your colleagues – without getting caught up in a fuss over Pat.”

Brian smiles at Laura in the mirror, and yeah, she’s right. Jonah is probably right too.

He manages to get through work every week without falling head first into a dramatic confession, and he goes to the bar straight from work with everyone often enough without getting carried away and telling Pat he might be in love with him. He’s even gone drinking alone with Pat, when he was having an emotional crisis and was definitely on the edge of some really self-destructive behaviours, and he didn’t mess things up then.

Brian takes a breath and decides that this will be fine, they’ll all be hanging out as a group for the whole night most probably.

Besides if he does really start feeling the urge to spill his guts he can just make up an excuse and go home, save himself the embarrassment on Monday.

  
  
  
  
  
  


At first everything is totally fine, in fact it’s more than fine, it’s great. 

Most people have already arrived by the time he gets there, so he doesn’t have to try and mingle awkwardly with people from other teams that he’s only ever made small talk with in the kitchen. They’ve scored a table big enough for the whole Polygon team to sit at, and there’s wine on the tables so they can sit and drink through the corporate thank yous, making jokes under their breath and trying to avoid breaking into loud giggling together.

There’s food, which no one really eats because the focus has solidly moved on to making sure they get their money’s worth from the free bar before it shuts and they’re forced to deal with ridiculous New York prices.

It’s not even that late before Brian’s pretty tipsy and kind of having a great time. He’s taking ridiculous selfies with Simone, moaning about how much he just wants to dance already with Jenna, being dorky and telling Tara how much the job means to him.

He’s classic drunk Brian, the best version of drunk Brian, the drunk Brian that’s smart enough to avoid getting caught in the trap of only talking to Pat.

Unfortunately this doesn’t last forever, Brian should have figured it wouldn’t, the wine on the table runs out so people are standing at the bar, and they’re bumping into people they know and getting caught up in long conversations. Brian’s been sitting with Pat and Clayton for a while, chatting and joking, trying to act like everything is still totally fine.

He’s getting past the point of tipsy, across the line towards kind of drunk, and now he’s talking to Pat he’s very aware that everything isn’t so fine. Maybe it’s because he spent the day fixating on his feelings for Pat, and now he’s around him he can’t stop thinking about how good Pat looks tonight, and how much he wishes Pat was just a tiny bit not straight so that there could be even a tiny chance for things to work out between them.

They’re in their usual rhythm, trying to one-up one another with ridiculous jokes. Brian feels like there’s electricity in his veins whenever he makes Pat laugh so much that he throws his head back, or whenever he says something funny that catches Pat off guard. And Pat reaches out to grab Brian’s forearm and wheeze, _oh my god Brian_ , close enough that he can feel Pat’s breath on his neck.

They keep going off on bizarre tangents that lead to inside jokes and Brian feels terrible when he realises Clayton has left the table but he doesn’t know how long he’s been gone, and now it’s only him and Pat. And, fuck, this was exactly the type of thing Brian was supposed to avoid.

So maybe it’s his fault because he spent all day fixating on his feelings for Pat. Or maybe, it’s Jonah’s fault, because as Brian left the apartment Jonah shouted after him;  _ Go get ‘em tiger, I got fifty bucks on you going home with Pat tonight. _

It’s Jonah’s fault.

  
  
  
  
  


 

Even though Brian promised himself multiple times he wouldn’t let the night descend into him hanging out with just Pat, the group has completely split and it always seems to be just him and Pat. Sometimes Tara and Jenna come back to the table, sometimes they bump into Clayton at the bar, sometimes Simone manages to pull them out onto the dancefloor.

But mostly it’s just the two of them, at the table, at the bar, walking around the place kind of aimlessly with their drinks. Brian knows he should be mad at himself for it, but he’s holding it together really well, he’s definitely over the line into  _ drunk _ -drunk and doesn’t even feel a big confession bubbling up in his chest. 

They’re sat at the table again, when Brian realises this isn’t the Polygon table, realises that they’ve wandered from the bar to one of the tables at the back where it’s quieter, so they could talk without yelling over the music. Okay, this is specifically the kind of space where Brian could end up saying some dumb shit, he’s self aware enough to realise that. 

Pat’s only talking about something that happened in Dark Souls, so Brian doesn’t feel too bad when he cuts him off to loudly announce. “Is that Simone dancing? I’m gonna go join her, wanna come?” Pat declines and almost looks disappointed but Brian brushes past it, deciding he can’t tempt fate and carry on chatting to Pat isolated in the quiet, empty side of the room.

It’s pathetic really how much Brian feels like a dumb sunflower constantly turning to Pat like he’s the sun. The whole time he’s dancing with Simone he’s subtly watching Pat, and he barely makes it through four songs before he gives in and heads back because he’d much rather sit and make dumb jokes with Pat, playing it off to Simone like he needs another drink. 

He’s walking to the bar when he hears Pat shout behind him. “Brian!” He turns back to look and Pat is waving him over.  _ God _ Christmas parties are so unfair why does he have to look at Pat being all handsome and wonderful while he’s wrapped in the glow of alcohol. Brian must be staring blankly because Pat holds up a glass in explanation, “I already got you another.”

Brian wishes he could be more angry at himself for giving up on restraining himself, but honestly, as long as Pat’s here there’s no one else he’d prefer to be hanging out with. And like he’d said to Laura earlier, work Christmas parties are a place where self restraint goes to die.

  
  
  
  
  


 

They’re talking about what class everyone from Polygon would be if they were trapped in a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, they haven’t really been able to decide anything definite for anyone, and mostly Brian’s been calling Pat mean for saying Clayton would make a good gnome.

“We’re not even talking about race, we’re talking about class. Come on don’t be a dick.” Brian’s laughing, sat close enough to Pat that their knees keep bumping together. “Clayton would be a wizard, right?”

“Hmm, maybe.” Pat swishes the ice in his glass before taking a drink. “Maybe. I don’t know enough about D&D to say for certain.” 

“Does anyone? I’ve never played for real.” 

“You’ve never played anything.” Pat rolls his eyes. “Okay, do me, even with your inaccurate opinions, what am I?” 

Brian thinks for a second, he really doesn’t know the classes well enough to know which one Pat would  _ want  _ to be. He reaches for his glass but it’s empty, so reaches across to Pat’s and takes a sip from his. “A rogue?” Brian’s voice lilts up with the question. 

“Do I really have that much of a sneaky vibe?” Pat laughs, taking the glass out of Brian’s hands and taking another sip before he passes it back to Brian. “Do you even like whiskey?” 

“Not really.” Brian shrugs, but takes another drink before he puts the glass back down. “And you don’t have a sneaky vibe, it’s not about that, it’s just like…” He waves both his hands around Pat’s face. “A vibe… You come off kinda mysterious. What about me?”

Pat thinks for a second. “Bard.” 

“Ugh really?” Brian whines. “I really come across like a bard?”

“What’s wrong with being a bard?” Pat laughs. “You were a theatre kid, you’re all musical, and can sing and everything.”

“Yeah but like the subtext of a bard is like, you’re the most annoying melodramatic kid brother ever.”

Pat just laughs in response. 

“It’s true. You know it’s true.” Brian pouts a little. “Isn’t that like my whole office vibe?”

Pat laughs again, reaches out and claps a hand on Brian’s shoulder for a second. “That’s definitely not your whole vibe.” 

Brian can’t help but perk up a little at that. “What  _ is _ my vibe then Pat Gill?” 

Brian knows he’s smirking, and he knows this feels dangerously close to the border of where it could get flirty, but it’s pretty late and people will be heading off soon. Pat’s never been known to stay out super late anyway, Brian figures he’s probably missed his window for a dramatic confession.

Pat’s expression shifts into something Brian can’t read. “I don’t know, that’s tough, you’re difficult to define I guess.” Brian’s expression must fall because Pat instantly looks worried. “Not like, that’s a bad thing, just difficult for me to define, probably not the rest of the team. I don’t know. Your office vibe is super fun, super helpful, you’re like everyone’s best friend and dream colleague.”

“Aww you think?” And Brian knows he’s probably got a shit eating grin spreading across his face.

“I  _ know _ . Everyone loves you Bri, everyone wants to talk to me about how talented and creative and funny you are.” Brian can feel his cheeks heating up with the praise. “You’re brilliant, everyone knows it, and I…”

Pat clenches his jaw and looks away.

Brian lets the sentence hang for a second as Pat seems to get lost in his thoughts, he bumps his knees into Pat’s on purpose. “And you…?” Brian prompts.

Pat has an expression that Brian only usually sees when there’s a deadline they’re struggling to meet, and Pat’s trying not to let anyone pick up on the fact that he’s stressed. Pat finishes the drink on the table. 

“Fuck. I don’t wanna do this here.” He tips his head towards the door. “Come walk with me?” 

Brian nods wordlessly and follows. 

 

 

 

 

  
He feels like an idiot, now they’re outside with the cold air biting at their faces, they’ve barely been outside for a minute and Brian’s nose feels numb. He shouldn’t have let this happen, lonely late night walks with the person you’re crushing on, definitely a disaster confession waiting to happen. 

They walk about a block without saying anything, Brian too worried about what will come out of his mouth to speak up and ask Pat what he wanted to say, and why he wanted to be out here to say it. 

Pat turns around the corner at the end of the street and stops, turning to look at Brian, biting at the inside of his lip. 

“We’ve become good friends since you started at Polygon yeah?” Pat starts and Brian nods. “Like really good friends, so I’m sorry if this is terrible and weird, or whatever.”

“It won’t be, Pat, come on.” Brian’s wringing his hands nervously, picking at the nailpolish he only put on a few hours ago. 

His heart is in his throat, and has already run away with the hope that this could be Pat confessing his feelings. That Pat could have been feeling just as many big feelings as Brian has about him – and Brian, for the first time in his life, won't be the one making the big confession. 

He’s trying to steel himself for when it’s not.

“I don’t know Brian. You showed up in the office, and I was still a total wreck trying to sort through my last breakup, still trying to push down feelings I didn’t know how to deal with.” 

Pat pauses and looks away from Brian, out at the cars going past. “Feelings like maybe I’ve always fucked things up with women because I shouldn’t be dating women. Or, not only thinking about dating women, I don’t even know. And you showed up so confident and self assured, and just so brilliantly, beautifully yourself, that I felt like I couldn’t keep pushing those feelings down anymore.”

“Wait…” Brian starts, wanting to ask questions,  _ needing _ to clarify, but Pat just carries on. 

“So I figured I’d just adjust to life figuring out being bi or whatever slowly, and even though you made me realise I couldn’t keep lying to myself about only being attracted to women, it didn’t mean I was especially attracted to you.”

Brian really feels that – it’s like a punch in the gut, even though he tried to be prepared for it. And fuck, Brian really doesn’t want to cry over being rejected but he can already feel a lump in his throat. 

He must have flinched a little because Pat reaches out and grabs his hand, holding it tighter when Brian tries to pull it away. 

“No, Brian listen, that’s what I thought, like a year ago. I thought I had these feelings for you and they would just pass, but they aren’t going anywhere. I’ve tried to distract myself and find other people on dating apps to just move on, but it doesn’t work. All these feelings just get stronger each week I swear, I’m just constantly learning things about you that make me fall deeper in lo– in whatever. I don’t get pissy on Sunday nights anymore because I’m just really fucking excited to see your face and make some dumb jokes when we’re still half asleep at our desks on Monday morning. You’re so beautiful and you’re so genuine, and there’s...”

Brian can’t cope any longer, he flings himself forward towards Pat and kisses him. It’s desperate and needy, and Pat ends up staggering back into the wall behind him. Pat’s frozen in shock for a second before he grabs Brians hips and pulls them closer together, laughing with relief into the kiss.

They kiss for a while, long enough that they’re both out of breath when they pull away, looking at each other like they’ve forgotten the rest of the world exists. They stand quiet for a second, breathing heavy as they look at each other with a mixture of shock and deep desire, before Brian breaks into a smile.

“God dammit Pat Gill I spent all night panicking I was going to do the big feelings confession, and then you swoop in and steal it from me.” 

Pat laughs and runs his thumb along Brian’s jaw, kissing the side of his mouth quickly. “You should have done it, it would have been better than mine.”

“Nope.” Brian laughs. “Mine would have sucked, I would have been so certain you’d reject me that I’d have cried the whole way through. Being a snotty mess is never romantic.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to reject you even if you were a snotty mess.” Pat laughs softly and Brian can’t help but kiss him again. 

This time when Brian pulls away he sways a bit in Pat’s arms, the alcohol getting to him again now the adrenaline – or whatever lovey chemicals take over your brain when you’re dealing with romantic confessions – have calmed down. 

Maybe it’s the alcohol that makes Brian bold enough to say; “My place is like three stops away if you can deal with my roommates being there?” 

Or maybe it’s that he’s been pining over Pat for months and doesn’t want to wait a second longer than necessary to get him in his bed. 

Pat just nods, and before they set off to the subway pulls Brian in for one last kiss, scraping his teeth along Brian’s bottom lip and kissing down his neck like a promise of what’s to come.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s not late enough that Brian thinks they’ll be able to get from the front door to his room without bumping into Jonah or Laura. Even if they did he figures they’d probably come knock on his door to ask him how it went, and check he didn’t do the whole big confession. 

He’s half tempted to storm through the apartment dragging Pat to his room as he shouts  _ It wasn’t me that declared my love this time! _ But he knows Pat would probably appreciate a bit more subtlety than that. 

He debates texting them when he’s on the subway, just sending a quick message to the roomies group chat, telling them he’s coming home with Pat and that they should make themselves scarce until he’s shut in his room. But he’s too wrapped up in holding Pat’s hand and spilling his own guts on all the feelings he’s been hiding to pull out his phone. 

It feels amazingly brilliant to be able to list all the ways Pat has made an everlasting impression on his heart without having to worry about being turned away at the end of it. Pat just blushes through the whole thing, and tries to tell Brian he’s not that great a guy really. 

Brian isn’t having any of it, he presses a finger against Pat’s lips and says “I didn’t interrupt your big confession, you don’t get to try and edit my list of things I love about you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Brian pulls out his keys to open the door to his apartment, but stops before he puts them in the door to turn around and drag Pat into another kiss. “My roommates might still be up, we might have to hang for like a second or two, is that cool?” 

“Sure.” Pat says and Brian searches his expression to check that this won’t send him running a mile. “No really, I’m Christmas party levels of drunk and feeling no shame.” 

Brian grins. Pat should know better than to give him an excuse to be loud, dramatic, and down right obnoxious. He’s half tempted to drag Pat through the apartment shouting for Jonah to collect his fifty bucks since he’s about to get laid. 

He resists though, because he knows that while Pat is Christmas party drunk and immune to embarrassment now, it’ll be a different story when they wake up tomorrow. And he really doesn’t want Pat to wake up, remember Brian being a cocky little shit, and run from the apartment as fast as he can in delayed embarrassment for the whole situation. 

Instead he steps into the apartment quietly, letting Pat follow him inside before he shuts the door and shrugs off his coat. He steps forward out of their entryway and Jonah smiles when he sees him. 

“Hey Bri, how was the night?” Pat follows Brian out from the entryway, stepping around the corner. Jonah’s eyebrows shoot up when he sees him, he doesn’t manage to keep the shock out of his voice. “And Pat. Hey Pat!”

“Hey Jonah.” Pat smiles and Brian wishes he was sober enough to be able to tell if this is awkward or weird for everyone, or if it’s just weird for him because he can’t believe this is what’s happening right now. He reaches back to grab Pat’s hand and is so relieved when Pat doesn’t pull away, just takes Brian’s hand and gives it a little squeeze of reassurance.

Laura appears from somewhere in an instant, smiling at Brian with a twinkle in her eyes. “Good night guys?” 

“Yeah, really good.” Brian smiles back at her and starts leading Pat towards his bedroom, eager to get out of this whole situation and have Pat all to himself again. 

He pushes open the door and shouts goodnight before hurrying Pat into the room and closing the door behind them. 

Pat doesn’t even let Brian turn away from the door before he’s all over him, wrapping his arms around his waist and letting his fingers brush under Brian’s shirt, trailing wet kisses across the back of Brian’s neck and into his hairline. Brian shivers, head dropping forward as he gasps, bracing his hand against the door as he sways under Pat’s attentions. 

Pat’s hands are out from under his shirt then, moving up Brian’s chest to quickly undo the buttons and pull the shirt off altogether. He trails kisses along Brian’s shoulders before Brian spins and captures Pat’s lips in a needy kiss, walking him back towards the bed and pushing him down to sit on the mattress. 

He looks up at Brian, who’s started undoing the buttons on Pat’s shirt, with his pupils blown. “You’re fucking perfect, Brian.” 

Pat’s impatience gets the better of him and after three buttons are undone he drags his shirt over his head, throwing it somewhere behind Brian. He drags Brian down to straddle his lap so he can kiss him again. It’s sloppy and needy, and Brian doesn’t think he’s ever kissed anyone with as much desperation as he’s kissed Pat tonight. 

Pat’s hands run down Brian’s back, cupping his ass and pulling them closer together, making Brian’s hips buck forward as he lets out a quiet moan. “Pat, please.”

“What do you want Bri?” He moves his fingers around to undo Brian’s belt, pulling it off and letting it drop to the floor. His voice is strained as Brian kisses his neck, and he gasps when Brian scrapes his teeth across the sensitive skin and grinds down against the growing bulge in Pat’s jeans. “You can have anything,  _ fuck _ , just tell me.” 

Brian pulls at Pat’s hair a little, grinds down again and basically whines into Pat’s ear. “Wanna ride you.  _ Fuck. _ Could I?”

Pat pauses then, hands going still for a second where they’ve dipped into the back of Brian’s jeans and started squeezing his ass. Brian pulls away from leaving hickeys across Pat’s shoulder to look at him, to work out what’s happened.

And,  _ fuck _ , Brian realises he probably should have started with something less intense. He still doesn’t know if this is Pat’s first time hooking up with a dude, if Pat would even want to do that with him. 

“We don’t have to, don’t worry.” Brian says quickly, voice soothing as he dips to kiss Pat on the lips quickly before kissing him on the cheek.

Pat pulls Brian back in for another kiss, it’s slow and tender and makes Brian’s heart flutter.

He pulls away from the kiss but holds Brian close, their foreheads pressed together, keeping his eyes closed and voice is quiet when he says. “We can, I want to. I just… I haven’t done this whole thing before.” He opens his eyes and looks up at Brian, biting the inside of his lip. “I just might need help, helping you… get ready.” 

“We really don’t have to if you don’t want to, I know it’s not like, everyone's thing.”

Pat chuckles a bit at that. “No I definitely want to Bri, I’ve been thinking about it for months.” Pat knocks Brian off his lap sideways then, so he’s led out on the bed and Pat can lean over him, to kiss his neck and then down his chest. 

He undoes Brian’s jeans and Brian lifts his hips so Pat can pull them off, before he starts rubbing Brian’s hard cock through his boxers, and trailing kisses across his thighs.

“Pat, Pat. Don’t tease me. Come on, I’ll help you.”

Brian shifts around to find lube, and directs Pat to get naked and sits him where he wants him, leaning against the pillows at the head of the bed. Brian gets naked too, straddles Pat and fumbles with the lube for a minute, before he reaches back to start getting himself ready. 

He’s got one hand braced on Pat’s shoulder, holding himself up and moans whenever Pat tells him how he looks, or how excited he is to fuck him, or whenever he looks down to see Pat’s cock hard and leaking against his stomach between them. 

Pat reaches for the lube and squeezes some out over his fingers, he leans his head forward to kiss the first bit of Brian’s skin he can reach. 

“Let me try, can I?” It’s mumbled into Brian’s chest but he hears and nods, pulling his own fingers away and letting Pat’s take their place.

Brian wraps his arms around Pat’s neck and drops his head against Pat’s shoulder, pressing his face into the other man’s neck in an attempt to muffle the moans and whimpers that keep escaping his lips. Pat might not have done this before, but he’s definitely looked into it in some capacity, because he keeps curling his fingers into the spot that makes Brian’s back arch as pleasure ricochets through his body. 

Brian feels like he’s died and gone to heaven as Pat works him open, holding him close as he twitches and whimpers under Pat’s wicked touches. 

“Pat, please. ‘M ready.” Brian begs as Pat finds that spot and presses into it relentlessly again.

“Yeah? Okay.” Pat pulls his fingers out slowly, watching Brian’s expression shift as he does. “Can’t wait to be inside you oh my God.”

Brian just bites his lip to stifle another noise and starts moving to position himself over Pat’s cock, grabs the condom from the bedside table, and passes it to Pat to put on. He kisses Pat again, soft and slow before he sinks down onto Pat’s length with a moan, mouth hanging open. Pat grunts and grabs at Brian’s hips, trying not to buck into the tight heat too much. 

Brian pants against Pat’s neck for a second when he’s fully seated on Pat’s cock, getting used to the stretch before he starts to move torturously slowly, watching Pat trying to hold himself back, eyes filled with hungry desire. 

“What’s it like?” Brian’s voice is breathy as he pulls off and sinks back down. 

“Fucking incredible.” Pat moans as Brian starts to move faster, gripping his hips tight enough that Brian thinks it might bruise. He’s kind of excited to see what marks they’ve left all over each other when they wake up tomorrow. He knows Pat is gonna have some killer hickeys on his right collarbone. “You’re so fucking gorgeous Brian.”

Brian’s lost in ecstasy as he fucks himself on Pat’s cock, trying to keep quiet enough that he won’t be mocked by Laura and Jonah for the next week, but honestly he has no sense of volume. He’s lost all sense of everything in the world beyond his and Pat’s bodies in this bed. 

He starts picking up speed again and Pat stops holding back, pulling Brian’s hips down roughly, meeting his thrusts with his own. He spits in his hand and grabs Brian’s cock, jerking him in time with their thrusts, pulling beautifully pornographic noises out of him.

“Pat! Ah, I’m gonna…” Brian doesn’t finish the sentence before he comes and clenches around Pat, who follows him over the edge almost immediately.

They stay like that for a while before Brian pulls off and steps away to get tissues so they can clean themselves up. Pat keeps his arms wrapped around Brian, holding him as they just breath against one another, coming back to earth, Pat occasionally kissing Brian’s forehead or jaw. 

After they’ve cleaned up and Brian’s thrown the tissues into the trash, he turns the lights out and climbs back into bed. Pat pull him into his arms, tangling their legs together and kissing him slowly. Their tongues moving against each other languidly, finally kissing without the hungry desperation that’s overwhelmed everything all night. 

“How much shit will your sister and Jonah give me tomorrow?” Pat asks after a while, when Brian’s starting to fall asleep in his arms.

“They won’t give you any, that’ll all be reserved for me.” Brian sighs, and runs his fingers through Pat’s hair. “Worth it though.”

Pat smiles at him. “Obviously. Completely worth it.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments always mean loads to me if you feel like leaving some <3


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